OneShot Mania!
by catke
Summary: This will be random Furuba oneshots that pop into my head! Yay! Rated T for some language.
1. Akito Loses His Temper

I think I am going to start a Fruits Basket fic with random one-shots. This way, when my brain gets fried, I can write whatever stupid idea pops into my head without having to focus on my main stories! What fun!

So I will begin with a one-shot featuring Akito!

Kyo: "Ack! Why write about HIM?"

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Fruits Basket. At all.

**Akito Loses His Temper**

One bright spring day Akito was walking around the main house. Oddly he had been feeling well and despite his usually foul manner, Akito hummed softly as he wandered the large corridors. As he was strolling the grounds (The breeze felt quite nice) he felt himself fly into the air.

"Wrahhh!" Came his mangled cry. The air left his lungs as his body connected with the ground. The head's face screwed up in anger. He contorted around and hissed at the bane of his existence. A green garden hose lay there entangled with his feet. Akito wrestled himself free from his enemy and jumped to his feet wincing at a sharp pain in a few of his ribs. His eyes narrowed. (Picture battle-movie-style black stripes coming down so only his eyes show…You know what I mean) The young male pounced on the hose, repeatedly kicking and punching it.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME!" Akito roared at the hose. He strangled the hose and beat on the hose all the way to the nozzle and strangled again, this time harder. A jet of cold water shot at Akito and he flew backwards flat onto his back.

"Glrrghhl!" Akito protested, water filling his nose and mouth. He let go of the hose in surprise and anger. He wouldn't be defeated so easily! He MUST get that hose!

"Akito-sama?" Came a surprised voice. Hatori gazed upon the seeping wet Akito (Now understanding the strange noises he heard earlier) who was glaring at the hose.

"Hatori." Akito said sharply turning his face to the doctor. "Go get me a knife," he said angrily.

"Akito…please, let's go inside."

"I SAID GET ME A KNIFE YOU STUPID DRAGON!" Akito eyed the hose, prowling around, making sure it couldn't escape. Hatori meanwhile silently retreated into the house. He brought out a steak knife from the kitchen. The dragon found Akito pinning the hose to the ground.

Akito grasped the knife and rapidly sliced the hose into 6 pieces. The young head watched the hose "bleed" water.

"That'll teach it to mess with ME!" He said panting.

"But it's a-"

"SILENCE! It was planning on murdering me!"

"…"

* * *

Later that night Hatori told Shigure (and told the dog not to tell anyone, but as if he didn't say so, Shigure told everyone anyway.) who told Ayame, Yuki, Kyo (who all laughed, except Yuki, he just smirked satisfactorily.) and of course Tohru. (Who got worried and cried.) Ayame told the rest of the Sohmas and soon there were garden hoses all over the house and Akito took to his room rocking himself back and forth.

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Yay! I have a special kind of sense of humor…So if you don't find this at least amusing, I apologize. For those who read _Twisted_, please know I have not forgotten about it, no, I have actually the next chapter written on paper (Half is typed!) it is really long since it is the dance chapter, and it has to be perfect! I also have half the next chapter written on paper. I aim to have both chapters up by Monday! Oh, and about the one-shots, if you have any situations you'd like me to write about, or whatever you please, tell me! D 


	2. Ritsu's Day At The Park

**Ritsu's day in the park**

One day, Ritsu was walking in the park. It was nice outside and he didn't want to bother anyone. He strolled down the path and he saw a mother pushing her baby in a stroller. The baby was crying and the mother was just looking haggard.

"I AM SO SORRY IT'S MY FAULT! I MADE YOUR BABY CRY! I WILL FIX IT! I WILL I WILL! I SHOULD BE PUINISHED!" Dobby from Harry Potter handed Ritsu a pan then disappeared.

"THANK YOU YOU ARE TOO KIND I DON'T DESERVE YOUR KINDNESS!" Ritsu beat himself repeatedly with the pot until the mother of the baby took the pot from him.

"It's not your fault," she said with a tired voice.

"YES IT IS!"

"No really my baby just has a constant need for fashion and style and I don't have the money to pay for new clothes every week…"

The baby's screams grew louder. Ritsu blinked.

"I CAN HELP!" He screamed and grabbed the woman by the arm and the baby's stroller and sprinted to Ayame's store.

"Hello! How may I help y-" Ayame started brightly, frowning when he saw the horribly dressed woman and baby. "Oh no no no… This won't do at ALL!" He tutted.

"I KNOW IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I WILL PAY FOR ANYTHING THEY WANT! ANYTHING!" Ritsu yelled.

The woman blinked. "Um…"

"Oh don't worry, that's just Ritsu…Go along with it." Ayame said with a wink.

Ritsu lay on the ground begging forgiveness as Ayame tore through the racks tossing appropriate sizes onto a growing stack.

About an hour later, the woman and her baby were dressed in fashionable matching pink blouses and tan slacks. Ayame bagged the last of the clothes.

"Um really, Ritsu was it? You really don't have to pay…"

"YES I DO IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I'M SORRY! IF YOU EVER FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME, YOU'RE TOO KIND!"

"Go now, quick!" Ayame urged the woman.

* * *

The woman did as Ayame instructed, pushing her now happy baby (because it was dressed very fashionably) and toting the large neon colored bag from Ayame's shop. Ritsu remained on the floor of Ayame's shop pleading forgiveness. Ayame was happy for the large order that just went through. Everyone was happy except Ritsu. And Kyo, 'cause he got beat by Yuki again. But that's another story.

* * *

Yay! You probably didn't find this as funny as I did, because my friend had made a remark about fashionable babies,(after which, we had a long conversation about it…) so I had to write a one-shot… For Lima! 


	3. Yuki's Magic PonyPart I

**Yuki's Magic Pony**

* * *

One day Yuki was walking home from school. The day was nice, but the breeze turned the air cold. The rat shivered, cursing himself for not bringing a jacket. He heard a rustle behind him.

"What the-?" He asked to no one. Tohru was at work, and Kyo was in detention for breaking a door down-for the third time. There was nothing behind him.

He shrugged and continued walking. He heard it again and whipped around. "Eh?" Once again he continued walking. _Maybe Kyo's out early?_

At the third rustle he leaped into the bushes. "GOTCHA!" Expecting to land on Kyo, he was surprised to find a horse there, following him. Yuki raised one eyebrow and spoke softly to the horse.

"Where are you from, eh? Are you lost?" He crooned lovingly. The horse whinnied and licked his outstretched hand. "Maybe I should take you to Shigure and see if we can find your owner…"

And so, Yuki led the pony back to Shigure's home.

"Yuuuuuuuukiiiiiiiiii-kuuuuuun!" Shigure called as soon as the door opened. "How was schoooooo……" He broke off, seeing the horse behind his young cousin. "Pssst Yuki….There's a HORSE behind you! Slowly walk into the house…It can smell your fear, so don't be scared.

"It's a horse, not a bear Shigure. I found him on the way home from school, he followed me. Do you think we could find his owner?

"Hehe….Ummm okay. But he? How do you know it's a boy?"

"I just know." Yuki snapped. "Let's go Prince Sparkle Stars!" Yuki led the horse upstairs to his room.

"Yuki, is it really necessary to bring the horse into the house?" Shigure whined.

The rat ignored his cousin as he closed the door to his room.

"Whew I thought he'd never leave us alone Sparkle! You can stay in my room."

And so months passed, Prince Sparkle Stars living in Yuki's room. Every day Yuki rode the horse to school. One morning it was too much for the members of Shigure's household.

"YUKI! I AM SO TIRED OF YOUR DUMB HORSE MAKING A MESS OF THE HOUSE!" Kyo yelled, holding his nose. Tohru shifted uncomfortably, dodging piles of mysterious objects.

"Yuki, I am afraid that the horse will have to go." Shigure proclaimed.

"NO! Not Prince Sparkle Stars!" The boy wailed.

* * *

Hehe, Yuki has found a new friend! I think this will turn out to be two or three parts. Find out what happens next time! n.n

Yuki: You made me look like a girly boy.

Kyo: You already look like a girly boy.

Yuki: Dramatic pose But I am all man on the inside!

Me:Rolls eyes


	4. Shigure Gets Hungry

**Disclaimer:** -Checks under bed- Nope, no Fruits Basket. Don't own it.

**Shigure Gets Hungry**

Shigure was hungry. So he decided to leave his office and fetch himself a snack. But then there was a problem! Tohru was nowhere to be found! Not willing to try neither Yuki's nor Kyo's cooking, Shigure sat down at the table to ponder his predicament.

Unable to figure out what to do, Shigure angrily opened the refrigerator.

"WHAT is fitting for a FANTASTIC writer such as myself? Certainly ONLY the best and richest of foods!" Shigure proclaimed. After such a very long time without eating, he was getting delusional.

Of course Shigure could have done the smart thing, such as call someone, ask Yuki where Tohru was, or even go out to eat, but his delusions prevented him from thinking rationally. (Not that he did in the first place, but at least he had SOME sense.)

There were many indistinguishable jars, bottles and jugs. It was overwhelming for poor Shigure. Suddenly he saw a bright orange bag on the bottom shelf.

"Hmm, what's this?" Shigure opened the bag and nibbled on a small orange object.

"Baby…Carrots." He read off the front of the bag.

"Mmmm." Shigure ate more baby carrots. Then he ate some more. And some more. And even more still.

"Deesh callwods aw umashind!" (These carrots are amazing!") Shigure stuttered with his mouth full of the orange vegetable.

After about an hour of Shigure gorging himself on the baby carrots, Tohru came home. She saw Shigure sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, three bags of baby carrots scattered around him, and a fourth sitting empty on his stomach.

Shigure's large eyes turned on Tohru.

"Carrot?" The dog inquired.

"Umm…No Shigure-san…I'm Tohru…Remember?" The young girl replied.

"No, I think you're a carrot! Yum!" Shigure leaped at stunned Tohru.

Tohru got scared and fled towards her room. "Shigure-san! Please! I'm not a carrot!"

Kyo took that exact moment to walk by Tohru's door, where he saw Shigure attempting to beat it down.

Shigure turned his eyes to Kyo.

"YOU'RE the carrot!" The delusional dog yelled. "YOU are actually RIPE! You're ORANGE! YAY!"

"What the hell! Get away from me!" Kyo punched Shigure in the face and took him to Hatori.

* * *

"No more carrots for you Shigure. It seems that whenever you eat them, you get an odd reaction that reacts to your body and it oddly makes you odd. I believe it is because of the zodiac curse." Hatori diagnosed.

"Will he be okay Hatori-san?" Tohru worriedly wondered.

"Yes, but I suggest you never feed him carrots again. Nor should you feed them to Yuki or Kyo. I shall inform the rest of the Zodiac."

"Oh…Okay." Tohru left and got back to Shigure's home to find Yuki sitting on the floor rambling to himself.

"PRINCE SPARKLE STAR! YOU'RE BACK!" He giggled.

"Oh shit! Not THAT again!" Kyo exclaimed.

Tohru then took all the carrots in the house and flushed them down the toilet.

* * *

Heehee, random thought. I have Yuki's Magical Pony Part II written already, but I just don't feel like typing it right now. :3 


	5. Yuki's Magic Pony Part II

Okay so here is Yuki's Magic Pony Part Deux! Heehee. I'm currently on Spring Break right now. Sadly there are only 3 days of it left not including today. I was in New York City for the first part of break, but hopefully I'll get some more done 'kay?

* * *

**Yuki's Magic Pony Part II**

"Not Prince Sparkle Star!" Yuki yelled. He raced outside and jumped on the pony's back. "Let's go!" The girly-boy glanced behind himself. Shigure had jogged a short distance but stopped, panting.

About an hour later, Prince Sparkle Star settled in a bright green clearing with daisies, tulips, and little rabbits and bumblebees too.

"Oh Prince, no one understands me!" Yuki said with tears in his eyes.

"It's okay Yuki," A pleasant male voice said.

"Huh?" Yuki gasped. "Prince Sparkle Star? You can TALK?"

"Of course Yuki. Because I am a magic pony. Come live with me in the valley of happy animals!"

"Okay!" Yuki smiled happily.

Yuki frolicked through a field of purple flowers laughing happily, his pony following behind at a canter. For about a week Yuki lived off berries and acorns the happy squirrels brought him. He slept in the valley among the happy rabbits.

"Yuki," Prince Sparkle Star began.

"Yes?" Yuki smiled. He was braiding a happy squirrel's tail fur.

"Yuki, the time has come."

"For what? More happiness?"

"Yes Yuki, I would be very happy if you conquered Japan!"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay!"

And so Yuki tried to conquer Japan. Unfortunately one unarmed boy in ragged clothes was hardly enough. As it turned out, Yuki hadn't been frolicking in a sunny field; it was an overgrown neglected almost swamp. He really ate mud and sticks.

Yuki was returned to Shigure, with severe mental illness. Hatori promptly came over and healed Yuki's deranged mind. His pony ran away before he could be captured and made into household products. To this day, no one knows what became of Prince Sparkle Star.

* * *

Thus ends Yuki's adventures in the field of happy animals! 3 Hopefully Twisted will be updated next. Leave me lots of lovely reviews! 


	6. Reclusive Rin

I'm back with another chapter! XD

**:Warning:** Stong language used.

* * *

**:Reclusive Rin:

* * *

**

Rin was a reclusive girl, indeed she was. She was very busy with breaking the Sohma curse.

One day Yuki tried talking to her.

"Fuck off rat boy" She said without looking up from the papersshe was writing on.

Then Shigure tried talking to her.

"Gonna tell me about breaking the curse?"

"Um...no."

"Then fuck off stupid mutt." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Momiji tried talking to her.

"Fuck off moronic rabbit." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

After that, Kisa tried talking to her.

"Fuck off midget bitch." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Hiro angrily tried talking to Rin.

"Fuck off annoying bastard." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Hatori tried talking to her.

"Fuck off you pathetic excuse for a dragon." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Ritsu tried talking to her.

"Fuck off pansy-boy." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Ayame tried talking to her.

"Fuck off you perverted snake." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Kagura tried talking to her.

"Fuck off pig." She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Kyo even tried talking to her.

"Fuck off monster" She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Kureno tried talking to her.

"Fuck off Chicken McNugget" She said without looking up from the papers she was writing on.

Aktio walked in.

"Fuck off-" Rin started. Akito beat the shit out of her.

Later Hatsuharu tried talking to her.

They had mad sex.

"Fuck off cow." She returned to her papers.

* * *

Bwahaha, another chapter from my sick mind! Hope you liked. Leave a review please. :3 


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